Imaginal Journal
Imagination is Medicine
Pilgrimage: Reclaiming Life Landmarks
I recently experience a strong current of inspiration to return to a site from my childhood to reclaim space and rewrite an internal narrative.
When I had just turned five years old, I started school for the first time. I was given little to no information about what to expect in this transition as I crossed one giant divide-- I did not speak the dominant language. My mother brought me to the school and instructed me to go follow the kids inside to meet my teacher. I had not had any prior experience of any time away from my very sheltered family and culture. I was so confused that all I could do was cry, refuse, and cling to my mother's leg. She then came up with a white lie, "I will wait by the tree today, while you are in class." I bought it. With the company of my cousin, who was in the same position, we braved this new world together. But when we ran straight to the tree, neither of our mothers were to be found. We busted into tears. To add insult to injury when the mothers walked up to claim us, they laughed at our heartbreak and fear of abandonment. No wonder when I read the "The Drama of the Gifted Child" as an adult the aches of narcissistic wounding felt so raw.
I set about to return to this place after watching a documentary about the Life of Siddhartha who became the Buddha as he sat under the Bodhi tree, touched the earth, and claimed his enlightenment. When I returned, I touched the tree that stood outside my class. It was this moment of touching nature that I realized, the Great Mother, earth, nature, Gaia, had never abandoned me, never laughed and dismissed my fear. SHE always was there, holding me, at every step.
Legacies - The Innocence of a Young Marriage
Once upon a time, my sweet folks were married in a rural Mexican village. The groom's family hosted the occasion. They came around late afternoon on Friday for her and up until they arrive from a neighboring village, she worried she would be stood up. Leading up to the wedding my dad's father, Don Ciro, gave them 1000 ($10) pesos to buy the wedding dress and tux. They went from their little village to the big city Guadalajara on a bus to get them with my dad's sister (they weren't allowed to be alone for one second). Starting Friday, the celebrations started. They had mariachi, dancing and lots of food that last through Sunday, Don Ciro's birthday. Saturday, being the official wedding day. The bride was 16 and the groom, 18. Per custom, the bride's parents were not invited but were sent food as a goodwill gesture. They graciously accepted the food but didn't eat it, offering it up instead to the other children. It was common to note that if the bride's parents didn't agree with the marriage they would send the food back. However, my mother's father, Fidel, did go on a sentimental drinking binge. My folks said they were very in love and couldn't stand being apart but they had to soon after the wedding because it was also a tradition for the bride to return to her family for one more week after the wedding. My grandfather, Fidel, cried with tears of happiness upon her return. But my dad ultimately landed getting my mom back sooner by having her return midweek to him to become the godparents for an other couple's wedding. Everyone was very generous and my parent's started their lives with a tiny house, several chickens, a pig and a small plot of land to grow corn that offered a very nice yield their first year. They were very fortunate indeed.
Yea To It All
Opportunities
to find deeper powers
within ourselves
come when life
seems most challenging.
Negativism
to the pain and ferocity of life
is negativism to life.
We are not there
until we can say
“yea” to it all.”
Excerpt From: Campbell, Joseph. “A Joseph Campbell Companion: Reflections on the Art of Living.” Joseph Campbell Foundation, 2011-08-01. iBooks.
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Darkness Awareness
“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.”
Home Again by Michael Kiwanuka
Home again
Home again
One day I know
I'll feel home again
Born again
Born again
One day I know
I'll feel strong again
I left my head
Many times I've been told
All this talk will make you old
So I close my eyes
Look behind
Moving on, moving on
So I close my eyes
Look behind
Moving on
Lost again
Lost again
One day I know
Our Paths will Cross again
Smile again
Smile again
One day I hope
To make you smile again
I won't hide
Many times I've been told
Speak your mind, just be bold
So I close my eyes
Look behind
Moving on, moving on
So I close my eyes
And the tears will clear
Then I feel no fear
Then I'd feel no way
My paths will remain straight
Home again
Home again
One day I know
I'll feel home again
Home again
Home again
One day I know
I'll feel strong again
I left my head
Many times I've been told
All this talk will make you old
So I close my eyes
Look behind
Moving on, moving on
So I close my eyes
Look behind
Moving on
Written by Michael Samuel Kiwanuka • Copyright © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc
Dates with Destiny: Ganesh
A month before I left my corporate job, our yoga instructor, Ashley Turner, had us do a mantra to Ganesh, the Hindu elephant god that is the remover of obstacles. And within weeks, space and opportunity to take a new unforeseen path, that once seemed impossible, emerged. I considered going back to school and pursuing a new career. But in what? I was not so sure. I knew I loved writing, the humanities, and helping people. I considered Master's writing programs but I did not feel that they penetrate the deeper levels I wanted to explore. Then by chance, on my last day of work, Ashley was doing a talk on Yoga Psychology at my old alma mater LMU. There she mentioned the school she had attended for her masters, Pacifica Graduate Institute.
I decided to attend the next open house for prospective students and the chancellor did an opening welcome, inviting us to consider any recent dreams with the person that lead us to Pacifica. I was surprised because I had, in fact, just had a dream with Ashley in which we were in a large room and there were pink balloons in the center. The dream continued as another woman enters the room and instructs us to gather the balloons or else it will attract negative energies. We complete the task. I wondered about the dream but it felt compelling in considering Pacifica. At the end of the open house, a prospective student pulled out some cards with Animal Spirit Guides with a depth perspective that she had just purchased at the campus bookstore that day. I drew this white Elephant card at random from the deck. It was beautiful and I knew it was no coincidence.
While my application to enroll at Pacifica processed, I decided to return to our family ranch in Mexico, a visit that was long over due. There I wrote dreams, read the magical realism book of Latin American fame, One Hundred Years of Solitude, practiced yoga, cooked with my mother and aunts, explored with my father and brother, steeped in family stories, and collaborated on creative projects with my nieces and nephews. I woke up one morning and thought to myself-- for my birthday later that summer, I want to ride an elephant. I told my mom at breakfast and she thought I was crazy. When I arrived back in LA, I let my husband know of my wish. I then investigated and found out the OC Fair was in effect and offering ELEPHANT RIDES! Husband and I went on our soonest mutual day off and I finally got to ride the majestic creature and feel its grounding power.
The next day I went to my part-time shop job and I had another amazing moment of synchronicity. I noticed that the daily picture calendar read, 'Who's riding the elephant?" with a line drawing of an elephant for the exact date we went to ride the elephant at the OC Fair. My artist co-worker had drawn a cat and a giraffe on the elephant, which I liken to my husband and me. She began to tell me about her artist friend who had very similar views and experiences as me.
So the day finally came when I started at Pacifica, to my astonishment, our classroom was the room from my dream and the woman with the instructions on the balloon gathering was to become the program director, In addition, I serendipitously met my co-worker's friend who was in my cohort. She became one of my most treasured friends.
Without a doubt, my destiny with Ganesh, who both removed obstacles (and creates them as I came to find), ushered this new soulful path and work in world.